Gym? I Thought You Said Gin.”
My Fitness Journey Is Mostly Just Me Walking to the Fridge.” --- I joined a gym. Yes, me—the person who considers “stretching” a form of cardio and breaks a sweat just looking for the TV remote. But I thought, hey, new year, new me. And that new me? She was gonna do squats. Maybe even two. --- Day 1: Showed Up in the Wrong Shoes. Apparently, Crocs are not “performance footwear.” Who knew? Also, tried to use a resistance band. Got stuck. Had to crab-walk out of it. No one helped. --- Day 2: Tried the Treadmill. Started walking at a solid grandma pace. Accidentally hit the “10” speed button. I was airborne for three seconds. Pretty sure I saw my life flash between the treadmill cup holders. --- Day 3: Attended a Yoga Class. The instructor said, “Let go of everything that doesn’t serve you.” So I left. Instantly. --- Day 4: Rest day. From what? Confusion. --- Fitness Conclusion: Turns out, my favorite workout is pretending I’m about to work out, then feeling proud enough to eat pasta...